How To Develop Your Personal Attitude Preferences – Part 1

Perhaps as important as what you believe is the manner in which you believe it. Your attitude can turn a miserable event into a pleasant one; or a good time into a nightmare. By controlling your attitude, you have the power to control any situation and make what you want from it.

In order to determine the best attitude for any given situation, you should take some time to decide the kind of person you want to be, and the image you want to convey. You may be interested in being the life of the party, the quintessential sympathetic ear, or the strong and silent type with the ability to take the lead at any moment. Once you are aware of your true self, you can begin to adjust your attitude to match.

“Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force.”
- Tom Blandi

Here are some important considerations to keep in mind as you develop your personal attitude preferences:

Be yourself

“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.”
- Raymond Hull

Whatever attitude you choose, be sure it is a reflection of your true self. Being true to yourself is crucial to the success of your positive thinking program. You have only one life to live, and spending it trying to emulate someone else robs the world of the person you could have been.

You may not know yourself as well as you would like to, or as well as you should. If you have been following the methods in this book so far, you may have discovered more than you knew before.

One of the most wondrous aspects of humankind is that there is always something new to discover about ourselves; always some new avenue of interest to explore or stand to take. We possess the capacity to never succumb to boredom. It is amazing that with all the activity happening in the world, so many people experience lulls and cannot find anything to occupy themselves with.

If you ever become bored, you have stopped developing as a person and should take steps to rectify the situation immediately. Knowing yourself is a constant journey that should never cease.

How can you get to know yourself better? Try some of the following techniques to discover aspects of your personality you may not have even known existed:

· Date Yourself. Choose an activity you either know you enjoy or believe you will enjoy, and make a date to do it by yourself. Treat this date as you would any other commitment: dress nicely, arrive on time, and don’t put it off unless an absolute emergency comes up. When you go out on your date, notice the things that make you feel good. Enjoy the experience of being with yourself and doing something fun. When you are finished, reflect on the date just as you would with any other event. What did you enjoy about the experience? What did you dislike? What would you have changed? You should make a date with yourself at least once a month, even if it’s just for a walk in the woods or an evening on the couch with popcorn and rental movies.

· Talk to Yourself. You are capable of making intelligent conversation with other people to discover more about them. Why not do the same with yourself? You can hold a conversation with yourself aloud or in your head, whichever you are comfortable with. Ask yourself leading questions, and then take some time to think about the honest answers. Lying to yourself is the worst offense you can commit.

· Record Yourself. When you discover new aspects of your personality or sparks of interest you didn’t know you had, write them down and remember them. You may not have time to explore a particular thought when it occurs to you, but if you jot it down and come back to it later, you will be able to expound on it. It can be helpful to keep a small notebook or planner with you to write things down as they occur to you, and flip through it when you have a few spare minutes.

· Analyze Yourself. The way you react to social situations and world events can be very revealing about yourself. Keep yourself informed about what’s going on in the world, either by reading the newspaper, watching television news, or frequenting news feed web sites. Take note of your reactions to real events and situations, and try to apply them to situations in your life. You can use this to help you determine why you feel a certain way about people or situations that impact your everyday life, and then plan your attitude toward them around your newfound knowledge.

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Creating a Balance – A Simple Daily Exercise to Build Your Self Confidence

Believing in yourself and your abilities is absolutely the most important thing you can do on your journey to positive thinking. It is critical to develop the self-confidence you need to carry you through to the realization of your goals.

Self-confidence is a bit different from self-esteem.

Self-esteem refers to your feelings about yourself, your behaviors and your worth as a person. Self-confidence is your belief in your abilities and in the way you present yourself to the world. The actions of others are more likely to erode your self-confidence rather than your self-esteem.

However, the two emotions have quite a bit in common. Both are measures of your inherent or developed belief in yourself- and both can be easily pushed off balance, resulting in either over-confident or defeatist behaviors that distance you from your ultimate objectives.

“Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.”
- Richard Bach

As previously discussed, you need to create a balance between too little self-confidence and too much. You cannot accomplish anything without self-confidence; on the other hand, too much self-confidence can ensure that you don’t try hard enough to reach your goals, and you will fall short of realizing your possibilities.

Once you understand that you truly can do anything you put your mind to, you will have unlocked the key to positive thinking. There is no limit to the power of the human mind. Your possibilities really are endless.

You can help yourself build self-confidence through a simple daily exercise you develop yourself after learning the basic premise. Like most of the practices for working with positive thinking, you may feel ridiculous at first (yes, we are aiming to make you feel ridiculous. Next we break out the flowered hats and funny nose glasses). Here are the basic steps to your daily self-confidence routine, which is best performed in the morning as you prepare to face the day:

· Decimate distractions. You need this time to yourself. You deserve this time to yourself. While you’re performing your self-confidence routine, don’t answer the phone, check your e-mail, watch television, or listen to the radio. Let household members know that this time is your time, and you would prefer not to be disturbed.

· Get physical. Pamper yourself with your daily physical preparations. When you shower, use your favorite soap or scented body wash. Choose clothing that makes you feel good and matches your mood. Make yourself comfortable with the way you look, and your self-confidence will rise to match it.

· Focus forward. As you get ready, reflect on what you want to accomplish for the day. Be sure to consider the mood you want to set for yourself as well as any goals or objectives you will reach. You might even partake in a quick receptive visualization session to see yourself reaching your goals and cement them in your mind.

· Get pumped. Now comes the ridiculous part. Stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and sing your own praises. Out loud. Tell yourself that you are the person you want to be; that you possess worthwhile qualities; that you can do that which you are now setting out to do. Be as specific as possible. Instead of saying, “I am competent,” say: “I know how to handle problems when they arise.” The more specific you are, the more effective your self-confidence routine will prove to be.

Self-confidence is the glue that holds your personality together. If you are serious about changing your life, developing a healthy self-confidence will equip you to do it quickly and effortlessly.

Don’t let fear, worry and doubt keep you from blossoming into confidence. You can accomplish anything, as long as you believe you can. It really is as simple as that.

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Learning Altered Memory Visualization

The final visualization technique we will discuss is altered memory visualization. This form is especially useful in resolving past conflicts and calming anger. In altered memory visualization, you can either “be” the image or watch yourself, whichever you are most comfortable with.

The main objective of altered memory visualization is to envision an actual memory and alter the outcome in your mind to reach a better, more satisfying resolution.

You can use altered memory visualization for small issues such as being cut off in traffic, or larger areas like past tragedy or trauma. Again, it is important to use a timer for this method, particularly when working with major traumas. It is too easy to become so immersed in your memories that you cannot shake them.

Whether you choose to watch or participate, begin remembering the event you want to change the way it actually occurred. Try to recall all the sights, sounds and smells just as they were.

When you reach an unpleasant point in your memory, direct yourself to react differently from the way you did- or direct the other person to do something different. With practice, you will be able to quickly shift your mental images to a more positive chain of events, and the feelings you formerly associated with your memories will lessen in their effect on you. Using altered memory visualization is a powerful tool for forgiveness, whether you direct it toward yourself or someone else.

By employing visualization techniques and practicing frequently, you will heighten and augment your positive thinking foundation. Envisioning your desires is the first step to achieving them. You can accomplish anything you believe you can, and visualization will help you realize your goals faster and with less effort.

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The Difference Between Receptive Visualization and Guided Visualization

Another form of visualization is receptive visualization. This differs from guided visualization in that you are watching yourself rather than doing something. Receptive visualization is a good technique for working on your interactions with other people.

For example, if you want to ask someone out on a date, you may visualize yourself doing so flawlessly and convincingly, and then visualize your target agreeing.

Performing receptive visualization is almost like watching a movie in your mind, with you as the director. The beauty of receptive visualization is that when things start to go in a different direction from the way you want them, a simple thought can change everything. You are in complete control, and the more completely and often you visualize a situation, the more likely it will be to happen just the way you pictured it.

After you’ve practiced receptive visualization, you can use it just about anywhere, in any situation.

For example, imagine you go to the bank to make a withdrawal, but when you reach the teller you discover there is a problem with your account and you have to speak with a bank manager. While you’re waiting, you can visualize your conversation with the manager and mentally resolve the matter in your favor.

Then, when you actually do speak to the manager, you will be ready to face the situation calmly and with confidence. More often than not, things will proceed quite similarly to your vision.

Receptive visualization is the most useful method of visualization for everyday events. Because it is versatile and adaptable, you can use receptive visualization to resolve nearly any problem.

You will be able to move through each day with a sense of confidence that everything will turn out just as you want it to, and because of your projected confidence, other people will respond to you in a pleasant manner. Practicing your receptive visualization skills can ease the stresses of daily life, which in turn improves your entire situation.

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A Simple Yet Powerful Guided Visualization!

Guided visualization is perhaps the most powerful form available. In this method, you act as the captain of your visionary ship, guiding yourself through the images you conceive as though they were actually happening. When using guided visualization, it is especially important to set your timer, as it is easy to become caught up in your visualized reality.

To perform guided visualization, you need to do a bit of preparation beforehand. Choose a setting or scene in which you feel comfortable and affix the setting firmly in your mind: a sandy beach, a deep forest, or even an open-air mall (if you feel better away from nature and would have a tendency to visualize lots of bugs).

Guided visualization is best for working on your own emotions and behaviors. Decide before you begin the way you want to visualize yourself, whether it is being more confident, losing weight, or simply feeling relaxed and at ease.

Tell yourself that the place you’re going will give you the power to achieve these feelings, emotions or characteristics.

When you begin your visualization after your preparation phase, don’t imagine watching yourself perform the desired actions. Instead, try to feel as though you are actually doing them: as if you have suddenly lost fifty pounds, or gained a hefty dose of confidence. You might even want to make yourself fly! (Just be sure you don’t try to translate your newfound powers of flight into real life experience, unless it’s boarding a plane).

You can also perform guided visualization with the assistance of an audio program or themed music. You might want to try guided meditation tapes the first few times, and then gradually move away from them until you can perform this method on your own.

After all, it is your mind that you are trying to reprogram, and you should fill it with your own thoughts, feelings and emotions in order to reach your personal objectives.

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The Easy Way to Effective Visualization!

There are several varieties of visualization methods, but the first step in any one of them is always the same. You must prepare yourself mentally to receive your vision in order to be able to fully immerse your consciousness. The process of preparing for visualization is nearly the same as meditation, and you can add in your own elements as you gain more experience with the process.

· Find a quiet, undisturbed place. At first you will need to be alone while you visualize. Choose a room or a space that you will use on an exclusive basis for visualization during the beginning stages. Be sure your surroundings are quiet and uninterrupted. White noise is acceptable for visualization, but for most methods you should not use music or recorded sound (you will be visualizing your own sounds!).

· Get comfortable. The best way to perform visualization is from a seated position. You can use a comfortable chair or the floor or ground, as long as you seat yourself in a way that will allow you to remain comfortable for at least ten to fifteen minutes.

· Set a timer. The effects of visualization vary from person to person, but in some cases it can produce a trance-like state. To ensure you don’t end up visualizing the day away, get a silent electronic timer (no ticking!) or set an alarm clock to go off in fifteen to twenty minutes (at this point, you still have a few minutes of preparation before you begin the process of visualization).

· Relax your body. If you happen to possess the ability to relax at will; great, do that! If you’re like most of us and you do not, you can engage in progressive relaxation to drain the tension from your muscles. Begin at your feet and concentrate on releasing all tension, one body part at a time. It may take you a few tries to do this; don’t worry if it doesn’t happen the first time. It can be difficult to achieve complete relaxation, and in many cases there will be some tension or stiffness remaining. You will find that the more often you practice relaxation, the less tension remains.

· Clear your mind. There are a few ways to accomplish this; you should choose the one that works best for you. One way is to imagine a single, benign object such as a white ball or a leaf, and focus entirely on the imaginary object until all your other thoughts simmer down. Picture your thoughts as a crowd in a football stadium, with the object in the center. Each thought stills as its attention is drawn to the object, until they are all silent. Another method for clearing your mind is to “send” your thoughts away by wrapping them in a mental “bubble” and allowing them to drift away from your consciousness.

· Breathe. Once you have relaxed your body and cleared your mind, you should perform three to five minutes of deep, concentrated breathing. Try to keep yourself focused on nothing but your breathing; this will relax you even further and prepare your mind to experience visualization.

You can also use this introduction to visualization as an alternate form of meditation. Taking a few moments to relax is always beneficial, and can energize you to face the tasks you’ve set for yourself.

Before you actually begin your preparation activities, you should choose the type of visualization you intend to use and make yourself aware of the process involved. Then you will be able to go directly from preparation to visualization. Next time, I’ll provide you a simple yet powerful guided visualization. Stay tuned!

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The Power of Positive Thinking

Now that your new positive mindset is firmly rooted in your mental garden, you will start to see the buds of possibility appearing everywhere in your life. You can learn to coax blossoming success from the endless fertile fields surrounding you. Recognizing opportunity is an essential component to achieving your objectives; whether is it subtle as a clover or brilliant as a sunflower.

In this section, we will review tips and techniques for realizing the full potential of the power of positive thinking

“We must be over the rainbow!”
- Dorothy Gale in The Wizard of Oz

Anyone who has seen the timeless classic film The Wizard of Oz remembers that magical moment when Judy Garland’s Dorothy steps out from the wreckage of her black-and-white house into a breathtakingly colorful world- a world she later discovers had been there all along.

Realizing the power of positive thinking is like capturing that movie magic for yourself. Suddenly, your surroundings appear in a whole new light: alive with the possibilities of your life and ripe for picking.

One powerful method for accessing positive thinking is visualization. This means picturing yourself actually achieving your goals and being the person you want to be.

“Opportunity rarely knocks on your door. Knock rather on opportunity’s door if you ardently wish to enter.”
- Charles Forbes

Like many of the processes we have described so far, using visualization can feel awkward at first. The best way to start off using visualization is solo practice, but eventually you will be able to initiate the process of visualization in just about any circumstance, under any conditions.

The most important thing you should learn about visualization is this: it only works if you really, really want it to work. Whatever you are visualizing, whether it’s a material goal or a new mental attitude, you must be absolutely convinced of your vision.

This method runs on mental energy, so the stronger your thoughts are, the more likely they will be to influence your life.

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Dream Come True: Do You Know Why You Make Mistakes?

The ability to admit that you’ve made a mistake is crucial to the learning process. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to announce your mistake to the world. However, you do have to be honest with yourself. Owning up to your mistakes is important, not only in your attempts to learn from them, but in the entire process of using positive thinking.

When you admit your mistakes to yourself, be careful not to judge your actions harshly. Your thoughts should not be along the lines of I screwed this up, and I’m never going to get this right.

Don’t let your mistakes teach you not to try. Instead, think I made a mistake, and now I know not to do that again. The biggest lesson in making mistakes can be found in your taking responsibility for them, and then doing something to correct what went wrong.

Pinpoint Your Error

“For want of a nail, the horseshoe was lost...”
- Nursery rhyme (anonymous)

Speaking of what went wrong...do you know why you made the mistake? You cannot learn anything from your mistakes if you don’t know why it occurred. If things go wrong, and it isn’t clear to you what happened, backtrack along the path that brought you to the error and figure out where you strayed.

James R. Chiles, in his book Inviting Disaster: Tales from the Edge of Technology, relates the sordid tale of a floating dormitory in the North Sea built for offshore oil workers. During one night, the dormitory rolled over in the water and killed over a hundred people.

The engineers responsible for building the dormitory raced to find an explanation, and ultimately discovered that one small crack in the support structure, which had been painted over instead of properly repaired, was responsible for the chain of events leading to the disaster.
Discovering the origin of your own mistakes will help you avoid potential disaster. Take the responsibility to investigate your mistakes thoroughly, so you can avoid the snowball effect one small error can have.

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Dream Come True: How to Learn From Your Mistakes

“Remember: you only have to succeed the last time.”
- Brian Tracy

Everyone makes mistakes. The good news is: failure can actually be good for you! The best way- and sometimes the only way- to learn how to make changes in your life and reach your goals is by figuring out how not to do things. There is a process you can use to learn from your mistakes. The more you learn, the closer you will be to reaching your goals in life.

Give Yourself Permission

You know you’re going to make mistakes, especially if you’re trying to do something you’ve never done before. In order to be prepared for the inevitability of mishaps and misadventures, tell yourself that when you make a mistake, it’s still okay- and you’re not going to let mistakes stop you.

This is part of the process of instilling a positive mindset. When you know what to expect, it’s harder for surprises to set you back in your journey to reach your goals.

Keep in mind that it is all right to make mistakes, and doing so is not the end of the world. The only people who don’t make mistakes are people who don’t try to do anything in the first place. Don’t be the person who regrets never even trying to accomplish your goals because you were afraid of mistakes.

Make Interesting Mistakes

Once again: you’re going to make mistakes. When this happens, you will learn more by making interesting mistakes rather than stupid ones.

You may be wondering what, exactly, is an interesting mistake? The more complex and challenging your ultimate goal is, the more spectacular your failures will be. The person who experiences a spectacular failure is far more likely to realize spectacular success. Here’s a quick example:

STUPID MISTAKE: Stubbing your toe on the rake you left lying in the yard.

INTERESTING MISTAKE: Turning $30 worth of powdered sugar and chocolate chips into inedible bricks while trying to start your candy-making company because you misread the candy thermometer.

The first mistake will teach you to put your tools away when you’re done using them, but this is something you probably should have already known. The second mistake, however, is far more valuable to you. It teaches you how not to read a candy thermometer, and you will never make the same mistake again. Now you’re one step closer to realizing your dream to start a candy making company. What will your next mistake be? The next time, I’ll tell you why the ability to admit that you have made a mistake is crucial to your learning process…

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Dream Come True: De-coding The Blame Game - Whose Fault Is It, Anyway?

“The reason people blame things on the previous generation is that there’s only one other choice.”
- Doug Larson

We are a society driven by blame. We blame the government for running our lives, and our parents for ruining it. We blame the fast food industry for making us fat, the tobacco industry for giving us cancer, and the justice system for allowing criminals to roam among us while innocent people sit in jail. We blame our children for giving us gray hair, and our schools for equipping our children with the behaviors that make us old before our time. There is no wrong action, great or small, for which we cannot find someone else to blame. The last person we lay blame on is ourselves.

Too often, though, we are the first person we should point to when problems arise.
The government does make the rules- but we are in charge of electing the rule-makers, and most of us don’t vote, while the majority of those who do are insufficiently informed.

Our parents have an enormous impact on our lives- but they can only raise us as well as they were equipped to by their own parents, and once we become adults we are responsible for our own behavior. We choose to eat too much fast food, smoke cigarettes, and try to get out of punishment when we break the law.

Our children reflect our own behavior back at us like living mirrors; and no matter how much of their time they spend in school, their behavior is determined almost exclusively by what we teach them at home.

It is up to each one of us to take responsibility for our lives. Even if the wrongs in our lives were someone else’s fault, we are the one that control our reaction to the situation. When unfortunate events occur in your life, you can choose to be angry and point fingers- or you can choose to do something about it. Be clear on who is to blame for the problems in your life, and take steps to correct the situation.

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Dream Come True: When Blood is Thicker than Embarrassment…

It’s one thing to sever relationships with friends, and quite another to do the same with family. Most of us are raised with the idea that family is important, and we tend to be more forgiving of family members as well as seek their approval for our actions more often.

We are afraid to be ourselves around family members; often because people change, and we fear our close relatives won’t like the changes that come into our lives. So we are forced to continue acting as if we are the same people we were five, ten, or fifteen years ago. This produces an uncomfortable relationship at best, and can lead to estrangement or avoidance if left unchecked.

Try to keep in mind that just as you are forgiving of your family members’ collective flaws and personality quirks, they will be forgiving of yours. When you truly care about someone, you accept them for who they are and don’t judge them on the basis of their thoughts, opinions and habits. Why wouldn’t your family extend the same courtesy to you?

Being yourself and not requiring approval from your family may be even more important than doing so with friends. We tend to derive the basis of our self-security level from our interactions with our family, and if we cannot be comfortable around family, that sense of false security spreads into all areas of our lives.

If you’ve been hiding some aspect of your personality or belief system from your family out of fear they won’t accept you, try easing into your own opinions gradually. You may be surprised to discover that the people who care about you are more accepting than you think. Sometimes, they may have been practicing the same guarded emotional stance as you, and will be just as relieved when it’s finally out in the open.

In any case, you don’t need approval from even your family for the things you want to accomplish.

Though it is more difficult to exclude a family member from your life, if it is more damaging to include them, perhaps you should consider putting some distance between yourself and the destructive family member. Many people are content with agreeing to disagree, and in time both of you may come to an understanding.

Meanwhile, don’t let your need for approval overshadow your need to be you. Please yourself first, because no one else is going to do it for you.

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Dream Come True: Weed Your Friendship Garden

Many of us tend to judge our worth by the number of friends we have. However, this is not always an accurate assessment, and it can be tiring to keep up with your lunch dates and Christmas card lists- particularly when you have friends who you can’t be yourself with.

Take some time to evaluate your friendships. Are there people you spend time with who seem to drain you whenever you’re around them? Do you constantly feel like a phony when you’re interacting with them, and watch the clock until sufficient time has passed so you can excuse yourself from the conversation? Friends are wonderful to have, but some friendships just aren’t worth cultivating.

The next time you find yourself trapped in an awkward situation and are afraid to voice your true thoughts, try speaking your mind anyway. It’s likely that one of two things will happen: either the person you’re talking with will be interested in your opinion and you’ll find the conversation moving into genuine territory, or you will notice a sudden drop in temperature and hear those excuses you usually make to escape come from the other person.

If the case is the former, you have improved your relationship and can relax around the person; if it’s the latter, you have just rid yourself of an unnecessary drain on your energy and positive thought process.

There is nothing wrong with ending friendships that just aren’t working out.

Chances are, the other person will be just as relieved as you are, and you will both be able to strengthen the relationships you have with true friends. It will take some time to cull the weeds from your friendship garden, but it will be worth it for everyone involved.

Freeing yourself from damaging relationships helps you kick the approval habit when you no longer have to “fake it” to get along with anyone.

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Dream Come True: Why Mistakes Are Part of Life!

Though you don’t have to confess your mistakes, it is sometimes helpful to talk over your troubles with a sympathetic ear- particularly if that ear belongs to a person who knows something about the goal you’re trying to reach.

If you’re having trouble getting through something, there is nothing wrong with asking for help. Seek out an expert or someone you know who’s been through the same experience you’re having, tell them what you feel you’re doing wrong, and listen to what they have to say. Often the most valuable advice we receive comes from unexpected sources, so don’t hesitate to ask someone else.

Can’t find an expert? The simple act of talking to a friend or loved one about your troubles can be the catalyst you need to keep going despite your mistakes. You may be able to work out exactly what you need to change in your approach as you discuss what you’ve been doing aloud; or you might simply end up feeling relaxed, refreshed and ready to tackle the problem again.

Keep Good Records

Mistakes may not seem very amusing to you while you’re making them, but some day you’ll be able to look back and laugh. You will also be able to look back and learn. By keeping a detailed log of your progress, mistakes and all, you will have a solid blueprint you can follow over and over again to reach your objectives.

Following is a sample error log. You can use this format, or create your own, as long as you remember how to read it!

When you follow the process to learn from your mistakes, you will notice exponential growth in your mental garden. Mistakes are part of life; without them, we would have no discovery- and not much to laugh about.

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Dream Come True: What to Do When Your Mountain Crumbles?

Tragedy can strike any one of us at any time. Life is precarious and unpredictable, and there are any number of events that can trigger a major life change. Company layoffs, a sudden and unexpected move, a crippling accident, or the loss of a loved one can devastate the most carefully laid plans.

If a major trauma occurs in your life while you are trying to pull everything together, the first thing you should do is take some time for yourself. If you attempt to keep going as though everything is fine and nothing has changed, you will end up burying emotions that will come back to haunt you.

Buried pain can poison your mental garden as effectively as arsenic-laced groundwater. It is essential to properly mourn major losses in life, if only so you can fully realize what is missing and learn to compensate for it.

When enough time has passed to allow you to view the situation with more objectivity, review the traumatic event using the lens of positive thinking. What was the bright side of the situation? Were there any lessons to be learned from it? How did the event change you, and can you use that change to become a stronger, more confident person?

Facing tragedy when it occurs is an essential step in your ability to persevere during rough times. You don’t have to hide from tragedy- but you also don’t have to let it crush your spirit and sap your energy. Mourn your losses when they occur, but develop the ability to discern when it’s time to move on.

Using Your Lifelines

Do you have a support network? When your good intentions start to slide off your path to success, it is helpful to have friends and family you can turn to and share your troubles with.

Hearing words of encouragement, especially from people who know what you’re trying to accomplish, can provide you with the impetus you need to keep going, even when a bend in your tunnel prevents you from seeing the light at the end.

You should also be able to call on yourself and your own reserves of energy to carry you through difficult times. If you made a contract with yourself to reach a certain goal, go back and review it.

Have you stuck to your original intentions, or have you drifted away from your success blueprint? One advantage to having a detailed plan to reach your goals is the ability to go back and figure out where you were led astray, and retrace your steps so you can return to your intentions. If you’ve discovered along the way that your goals have changed, you can map out a new path and start at the beginning.

Have you been keeping your journal? If you start to lose faith in the power of positive thinking, try looking back and reflecting on all that you have accomplished so far. Even if things are hard for you right now, you should have already proven to yourself that positive thinking works fairly well for being a bunch of crap. Don’t be afraid to pile on a new load of fertilizer when your first crop doesn’t make it all the way.

Whether you’ve had a few false starts or discovered your natural green thumb, you should soon be well on your way to the harvest, which is the realization of everything you want out of life. Your tender shoots will develop into sturdy plants; able to weather the worst storms life manages to send your way. You are about to see the first blossoms of your efforts, bursting from the melting crust of your former self like daisies in the spring.

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Dream Come True: Never, never, never give up!

“Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”
- Japanese proverb

Like any program, there may come a point in your quest to harness the power of positive thinking when you begin to backslide. If your situation becomes extraordinarily difficult, you may be tempted to stop using positive thinking altogether. However, this is absolutely the worst thing you can do.

“Most people achieve their greatest successes one step beyond what looked like their greatest failure.”
- Brian Tracy

Hang in there! Remember that the more changes you are trying to make in your life, the harder you will have to work at positive thinking to make them. It will get easier. The best thing you can do if you feel you’re starting to lose ground is to keep thinking positively. This section will discuss things to keep in mind to help you through the rough patches.

When the Door Closes, Go Out the Window

The goals you’ve set for yourself are worth achieving. If you continually run up against obstacles that seem insurmountable, you may be approaching your objectives in the wrong way. There is always a solution to every problem; it just may not be what you expected.

Step back from your situation and try to look at the big picture. Are you throwing yourself repeatedly into a brick wall?

If so, maybe instead of trying to burst through the opposition, you could try going around or climbing over it.

One example might be attempting to change jobs. Have you been putting your resume in at every available company, only to be turned down or told there were no positions open? In this case, you might think about your career as a whole.

Are you truly satisfied doing what you’re doing? If you are, perhaps there are similar jobs in other industries you could look into. If not, you may want to consider abandoning your search for the same job at a different company and start training yourself for a whole new career. It’s never too late to start doing what you love, and those brick walls may be telling you that the path you’re trying to follow is not the right one for you.
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Dream Come True: Why Do You Have the Need For Acceptance?

For many of us, the need for acceptance began in high school. The desire to fit in is strong for most teens, and generally when you’re in school there is nothing more important than friends. Once we leave the structures confines of school and enter the adult world, it can be difficult to shake the feeling that you are only a worthy person if you have a lot of friends, or the “right” friends.

As adults, we need to discard the petty social pecking order of our school days. Life is not a popularity contest. It may not surprise you to learn that the most successful adults were social outcasts in school.

A large part of the reason for this is because they did not cultivate the acceptance of their peers, they were free to invest in themselves, gaining knowledge and developing strong personalities that did not depend on validation from the “in” crowd.

In case you need proof, check out the following list of successful people who struggled through high school at the bottom of the food chain:

· Henry Kissinger was called “a little fatso” by many of his peers.
· Voluptuous actress and model Heather Graham was teased constantly for being quiet and physically underdeveloped.
· Walt Disney was considered a shiftless dreamer who would never amount to anything by his teachers and fellow students.
· Eytan Sugarman- owner of the NYC nightclub Suede which is frequented by the likes of Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, and Leonardo DiCaprio- was a chubby and friendless child whose guidance counselors told him his life would go nowhere.

As an adult, you are much more capable of realizing that peer acceptance doesn’t matter outside of high school. You should strive to be true to yourself. Remember, there is a place for everyone- it’s a big planet.

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Dream Come True: Kicking the Approval Habit

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”
- Dr. Wayne Dyer

Everyone wants approval and acceptance from those we care about. However, too often we depend on approval so much that we lose sight of the most important approval of all: our own.

Do you find yourself agreeing just to avoid disagreeing?

Are you constantly seeking out the approval of others before you make a decision?

This approval addiction is damaging to your quest for improving your life through positive thinking. By feeding your approval habit, you become less reliant on your own thoughts and feelings, and therefore less in tune with your goals and what is truly best for you. Though it’s nice to have the support of other people, the only person you can make happy one hundred percent of the time is you.

How can you kick the approval habit and stop worrying about what other people think of your actions? Here are several action plans you can follow in order to make sure your people-pleasing prowess is used only where you want it to be, and not as a crutch for social acceptance.

Know Your Code

In order to avoid seeking approval for approval’s sake, you have to know your own beliefs and standards. Being aware of what you believe in will help you voice your opinions and choose the right path for yourself, even when others don’t agree. Developing a healthy moral code is an important part of the process of positive thinking.

Writing down your moral code can help to cement your ideals and beliefs and serve as a guide for your decision-making process. Think about the issues that are important to you. Do you believe family values come before everything else? Is your career important to you? Where do you stand on politics: would you rather be vocal in your beliefs, or try to make a difference in the background through voting? Your moral code should govern your actions in every situation, and you should never violate your beliefs simply to gain approval from someone else.

Standing up for what you believe in can be an integral part of taking control of yourself and your life. When you stop seeking approval or validation for all of your thoughts and ideas, you become a stronger person- and the people who truly care about you will respect and admire you for it, rather than turning away. Be informed and develop your moral code, then stick to it. You will be surprised at how much better you feel about yourself...and you won’t need anyone else to second your opinion.

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Learning To Say “NO”

My other 5 ways to learn to say “NO”:

1. “I’m not comfortable/don’t enjoy doing that.” Stick to your guns. If you’re asked to do something that seems wrong or a task you despise doing, don’t agree to it and explain why. This way you will be able to avoid repeat requests for the same thing.

2. “I can’t help right now, but ask me later.” Again, be honest with this statement. If you really do want to help out, but just don’t have the time when the request is made, let the person asking you know that you’d be happy to help out when you can. If possible, give them a specific availability, like tomorrow or next week, when you know you’ll be free. If they need the task done before then, they will find someone else.

3. “I have no experience with this type of task.” This is similar to stating you’re not the best person for the job, but more significant- at least for you. When you take on a task for someone else, you shouldn’t have to learn a whole new skill set just to complete one thing. However, if it’s something you were planning to learn anyway, you might want to take advantage of the opportunity to learn something new.

4. “I know you want to [other person’s objective] but I can’t get away from [other commitment] right now.” This is a polite way to acknowledge the needs of the other person while refusing to overburden yourself. This can also open the opportunity to handle the root issue of the request in a way that is convenient for both of you.

5. “No, but...” If for whatever reason you can’t commit to a request, you can offer an alternative that would be beneficial to the situation. Perhaps you’re unable to perform the specific task requested, but there is another aspect of the project you would be able to help out with. Again, this leaves your options open without making you seem callous or unconcerned with whomever is making a request of you.

Practice saying no both at home and at work, whenever you’re asked to take on more than you know you can handle. Overextending yourself can be a hard habit to break, but it is an essential step in getting out of your own way so you can accomplish your life’s goals. You deserve time for yourself, and you must be responsible for ensuring your personal needs are met.
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Just Say No: How Not to Take On Too Much

“The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.”
- Theodore Roosevelt

People are always going to ask you to do things for them. That’s life. Often we are asked to make commitments we don’t feel comfortable with, don’t have time for, or just plain don’t want to make- but saying “no” makes us feel even worse than agreeing to something we don’t like.

Women especially fall victim to the over-commitment syndrome. You should make it a habit to say “no” more often, particularly when you know that agreeing to take on a certain commitment is going to wreak havoc with your life, even though the little voice in your head is telling you accepting would be the “nice” thing to do. When it comes to your sanity, the nicest thing is to make sure you don’t over-extend yourself and end up performing a large number of tasks with substandard results.

The first step in learning to say no is deciding which things you should agree to commit to, and which things are all right to pass on. This decision should stem from your personal priorities; the things that are important to you and your life. This is one reason why it’s important to define your goals clearly when you begin using the power of positive thinking. Weigh each request against your goals and decide whether agreeing to them would move you closer or further away from your objectives.

When you come to a point where you must refuse a request, there are several ways to say no without hurting feelings or making yourself appear inconsiderate. Be as honest as possible when saying no, and you will be able to proceed with a guilt-free conscience.

Need an excuse? Here are the top five ways to say no nicely:

1. “No.” Sometimes, the best way to refuse is politely, but directly. If someone in your life is constantly asking you to do things they could easily handle themselves, a firm “no” is the only way to get them to stop. Another approach to problematic people with frequent requests is to tell them, “I know you’ll do a great job handling it on your own.”

2. “I’m in the middle of several other projects/commitments right now.” Don’t be afraid to tell people when you’re busy. Most will respect your schedule and find another way to fulfill their requests for help. You shouldn’t be expected to drop tasks you’ve already committed to in order to complete new ones.

3. “I need to focus on [my career, my family, my personal life] at the moment.” If you’re going through a difficult time in another area of your life that requires your attention, don’t hesitate to refuse taking on extra requests. You don’t necessarily have to explain your specific reasoning for taking a pass; just indicate that you

4. “I don’t feel I’m the best person to handle that task.” When you don’t feel qualified to handle something requested of you, say so. Explain that you don’t want to do a poor job, because you know this task is important to the person asking you to do it. Chances are, they want the task done well, too.

5. “I can’t do it, but I know someone else who can.” Only use this “no” form if you truly know someone who can not only handle the task, but has the time to do it. It’s nice to be able to offer alternative help, but only if you can follow through on your offer. Referring people to someone else who won’t be able to help either will be viewed as a brush-off; the person who originally came to you will think you never actually wanted to help them in the first place.

I’ll provide you another top 5 ways to say “No”, soon. Watch out this space!

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How To Crush Procrastination In Its Tracks!

How do you crush procrastination in its tracks? The remedies for moving past procrastination include:

· Just do it. Whatever the task you’re facing, simply pick a point and get started. Often things are not as bad as they seem, and once you start doing something it’s easier to build up momentum that will carry you through to the end. Tell yourself that when you finish the unpleasant task, you won’t have it hanging over your head and you can move on to better things.

· Break it up, people. Take a few minutes to break up larger tasks into small, manageable goals. For example, if you are attempting to organize your desk at work, you might pick one drawer and get that done, and then take a break and do something else before returning for the next drawer. Meeting a series of small goals is more motivating and encouraging than trying to tackle a huge project all at once.

· Cut through the fluff. Prepare yourself to work through distractions when you’re taking on a task. If possible, ignore the phone- and definitely resist the temptation to play Solitaire or check your e-mail a dozen times. Make sure your mind is made up to do whatever it is you’re doing and nothing else until it’s finished. You will feel better knowing it’s done, and you’ll waste less time on sideline projects.

· Stick to the program. Ensure you have enough time to finish the task you’re starting. If you know you’re going to be interrupted or run out of time before you’re through, choose one part of the task to complete instead of trying to rush through the whole thing. Rushing to meet a deadline you know you can’t make causes more stress, and can actually make things happen slower because you’re worried that you won’t be able to accomplish what you’ve set out to do. Give yourself a break, and your stress level will thank you.

· Expect the unexpected. Despite our best positive thinking efforts, things do occasionally take a turn for the unexpected. Delays are a given in many situations. When you’re planning a task or goal, it is important to factor in time in case things go wrong. Delays are a major facilitator of procrastination: it’s easy to convince yourself to put things off when you already have to wait. Make sure you have a backup plan in place so you can avoid putting things off and still meet your completion goals comfortably.

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