Dream Come True: Weed Your Friendship Garden

Many of us tend to judge our worth by the number of friends we have. However, this is not always an accurate assessment, and it can be tiring to keep up with your lunch dates and Christmas card lists- particularly when you have friends who you can’t be yourself with.

Take some time to evaluate your friendships. Are there people you spend time with who seem to drain you whenever you’re around them? Do you constantly feel like a phony when you’re interacting with them, and watch the clock until sufficient time has passed so you can excuse yourself from the conversation? Friends are wonderful to have, but some friendships just aren’t worth cultivating.

The next time you find yourself trapped in an awkward situation and are afraid to voice your true thoughts, try speaking your mind anyway. It’s likely that one of two things will happen: either the person you’re talking with will be interested in your opinion and you’ll find the conversation moving into genuine territory, or you will notice a sudden drop in temperature and hear those excuses you usually make to escape come from the other person.

If the case is the former, you have improved your relationship and can relax around the person; if it’s the latter, you have just rid yourself of an unnecessary drain on your energy and positive thought process.

There is nothing wrong with ending friendships that just aren’t working out.

Chances are, the other person will be just as relieved as you are, and you will both be able to strengthen the relationships you have with true friends. It will take some time to cull the weeds from your friendship garden, but it will be worth it for everyone involved.

Freeing yourself from damaging relationships helps you kick the approval habit when you no longer have to “fake it” to get along with anyone.

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Dream Come True: Why Mistakes Are Part of Life!

Though you don’t have to confess your mistakes, it is sometimes helpful to talk over your troubles with a sympathetic ear- particularly if that ear belongs to a person who knows something about the goal you’re trying to reach.

If you’re having trouble getting through something, there is nothing wrong with asking for help. Seek out an expert or someone you know who’s been through the same experience you’re having, tell them what you feel you’re doing wrong, and listen to what they have to say. Often the most valuable advice we receive comes from unexpected sources, so don’t hesitate to ask someone else.

Can’t find an expert? The simple act of talking to a friend or loved one about your troubles can be the catalyst you need to keep going despite your mistakes. You may be able to work out exactly what you need to change in your approach as you discuss what you’ve been doing aloud; or you might simply end up feeling relaxed, refreshed and ready to tackle the problem again.

Keep Good Records

Mistakes may not seem very amusing to you while you’re making them, but some day you’ll be able to look back and laugh. You will also be able to look back and learn. By keeping a detailed log of your progress, mistakes and all, you will have a solid blueprint you can follow over and over again to reach your objectives.

Following is a sample error log. You can use this format, or create your own, as long as you remember how to read it!

When you follow the process to learn from your mistakes, you will notice exponential growth in your mental garden. Mistakes are part of life; without them, we would have no discovery- and not much to laugh about.

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Dream Come True: What to Do When Your Mountain Crumbles?

Tragedy can strike any one of us at any time. Life is precarious and unpredictable, and there are any number of events that can trigger a major life change. Company layoffs, a sudden and unexpected move, a crippling accident, or the loss of a loved one can devastate the most carefully laid plans.

If a major trauma occurs in your life while you are trying to pull everything together, the first thing you should do is take some time for yourself. If you attempt to keep going as though everything is fine and nothing has changed, you will end up burying emotions that will come back to haunt you.

Buried pain can poison your mental garden as effectively as arsenic-laced groundwater. It is essential to properly mourn major losses in life, if only so you can fully realize what is missing and learn to compensate for it.

When enough time has passed to allow you to view the situation with more objectivity, review the traumatic event using the lens of positive thinking. What was the bright side of the situation? Were there any lessons to be learned from it? How did the event change you, and can you use that change to become a stronger, more confident person?

Facing tragedy when it occurs is an essential step in your ability to persevere during rough times. You don’t have to hide from tragedy- but you also don’t have to let it crush your spirit and sap your energy. Mourn your losses when they occur, but develop the ability to discern when it’s time to move on.

Using Your Lifelines

Do you have a support network? When your good intentions start to slide off your path to success, it is helpful to have friends and family you can turn to and share your troubles with.

Hearing words of encouragement, especially from people who know what you’re trying to accomplish, can provide you with the impetus you need to keep going, even when a bend in your tunnel prevents you from seeing the light at the end.

You should also be able to call on yourself and your own reserves of energy to carry you through difficult times. If you made a contract with yourself to reach a certain goal, go back and review it.

Have you stuck to your original intentions, or have you drifted away from your success blueprint? One advantage to having a detailed plan to reach your goals is the ability to go back and figure out where you were led astray, and retrace your steps so you can return to your intentions. If you’ve discovered along the way that your goals have changed, you can map out a new path and start at the beginning.

Have you been keeping your journal? If you start to lose faith in the power of positive thinking, try looking back and reflecting on all that you have accomplished so far. Even if things are hard for you right now, you should have already proven to yourself that positive thinking works fairly well for being a bunch of crap. Don’t be afraid to pile on a new load of fertilizer when your first crop doesn’t make it all the way.

Whether you’ve had a few false starts or discovered your natural green thumb, you should soon be well on your way to the harvest, which is the realization of everything you want out of life. Your tender shoots will develop into sturdy plants; able to weather the worst storms life manages to send your way. You are about to see the first blossoms of your efforts, bursting from the melting crust of your former self like daisies in the spring.

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Dream Come True: Never, never, never give up!

“Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”
- Japanese proverb

Like any program, there may come a point in your quest to harness the power of positive thinking when you begin to backslide. If your situation becomes extraordinarily difficult, you may be tempted to stop using positive thinking altogether. However, this is absolutely the worst thing you can do.

“Most people achieve their greatest successes one step beyond what looked like their greatest failure.”
- Brian Tracy

Hang in there! Remember that the more changes you are trying to make in your life, the harder you will have to work at positive thinking to make them. It will get easier. The best thing you can do if you feel you’re starting to lose ground is to keep thinking positively. This section will discuss things to keep in mind to help you through the rough patches.

When the Door Closes, Go Out the Window

The goals you’ve set for yourself are worth achieving. If you continually run up against obstacles that seem insurmountable, you may be approaching your objectives in the wrong way. There is always a solution to every problem; it just may not be what you expected.

Step back from your situation and try to look at the big picture. Are you throwing yourself repeatedly into a brick wall?

If so, maybe instead of trying to burst through the opposition, you could try going around or climbing over it.

One example might be attempting to change jobs. Have you been putting your resume in at every available company, only to be turned down or told there were no positions open? In this case, you might think about your career as a whole.

Are you truly satisfied doing what you’re doing? If you are, perhaps there are similar jobs in other industries you could look into. If not, you may want to consider abandoning your search for the same job at a different company and start training yourself for a whole new career. It’s never too late to start doing what you love, and those brick walls may be telling you that the path you’re trying to follow is not the right one for you.
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Dream Come True: Why Do You Have the Need For Acceptance?

For many of us, the need for acceptance began in high school. The desire to fit in is strong for most teens, and generally when you’re in school there is nothing more important than friends. Once we leave the structures confines of school and enter the adult world, it can be difficult to shake the feeling that you are only a worthy person if you have a lot of friends, or the “right” friends.

As adults, we need to discard the petty social pecking order of our school days. Life is not a popularity contest. It may not surprise you to learn that the most successful adults were social outcasts in school.

A large part of the reason for this is because they did not cultivate the acceptance of their peers, they were free to invest in themselves, gaining knowledge and developing strong personalities that did not depend on validation from the “in” crowd.

In case you need proof, check out the following list of successful people who struggled through high school at the bottom of the food chain:

· Henry Kissinger was called “a little fatso” by many of his peers.
· Voluptuous actress and model Heather Graham was teased constantly for being quiet and physically underdeveloped.
· Walt Disney was considered a shiftless dreamer who would never amount to anything by his teachers and fellow students.
· Eytan Sugarman- owner of the NYC nightclub Suede which is frequented by the likes of Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, and Leonardo DiCaprio- was a chubby and friendless child whose guidance counselors told him his life would go nowhere.

As an adult, you are much more capable of realizing that peer acceptance doesn’t matter outside of high school. You should strive to be true to yourself. Remember, there is a place for everyone- it’s a big planet.

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Dream Come True: Kicking the Approval Habit

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”
- Dr. Wayne Dyer

Everyone wants approval and acceptance from those we care about. However, too often we depend on approval so much that we lose sight of the most important approval of all: our own.

Do you find yourself agreeing just to avoid disagreeing?

Are you constantly seeking out the approval of others before you make a decision?

This approval addiction is damaging to your quest for improving your life through positive thinking. By feeding your approval habit, you become less reliant on your own thoughts and feelings, and therefore less in tune with your goals and what is truly best for you. Though it’s nice to have the support of other people, the only person you can make happy one hundred percent of the time is you.

How can you kick the approval habit and stop worrying about what other people think of your actions? Here are several action plans you can follow in order to make sure your people-pleasing prowess is used only where you want it to be, and not as a crutch for social acceptance.

Know Your Code

In order to avoid seeking approval for approval’s sake, you have to know your own beliefs and standards. Being aware of what you believe in will help you voice your opinions and choose the right path for yourself, even when others don’t agree. Developing a healthy moral code is an important part of the process of positive thinking.

Writing down your moral code can help to cement your ideals and beliefs and serve as a guide for your decision-making process. Think about the issues that are important to you. Do you believe family values come before everything else? Is your career important to you? Where do you stand on politics: would you rather be vocal in your beliefs, or try to make a difference in the background through voting? Your moral code should govern your actions in every situation, and you should never violate your beliefs simply to gain approval from someone else.

Standing up for what you believe in can be an integral part of taking control of yourself and your life. When you stop seeking approval or validation for all of your thoughts and ideas, you become a stronger person- and the people who truly care about you will respect and admire you for it, rather than turning away. Be informed and develop your moral code, then stick to it. You will be surprised at how much better you feel about yourself...and you won’t need anyone else to second your opinion.

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Learning To Say “NO”

My other 5 ways to learn to say “NO”:

1. “I’m not comfortable/don’t enjoy doing that.” Stick to your guns. If you’re asked to do something that seems wrong or a task you despise doing, don’t agree to it and explain why. This way you will be able to avoid repeat requests for the same thing.

2. “I can’t help right now, but ask me later.” Again, be honest with this statement. If you really do want to help out, but just don’t have the time when the request is made, let the person asking you know that you’d be happy to help out when you can. If possible, give them a specific availability, like tomorrow or next week, when you know you’ll be free. If they need the task done before then, they will find someone else.

3. “I have no experience with this type of task.” This is similar to stating you’re not the best person for the job, but more significant- at least for you. When you take on a task for someone else, you shouldn’t have to learn a whole new skill set just to complete one thing. However, if it’s something you were planning to learn anyway, you might want to take advantage of the opportunity to learn something new.

4. “I know you want to [other person’s objective] but I can’t get away from [other commitment] right now.” This is a polite way to acknowledge the needs of the other person while refusing to overburden yourself. This can also open the opportunity to handle the root issue of the request in a way that is convenient for both of you.

5. “No, but...” If for whatever reason you can’t commit to a request, you can offer an alternative that would be beneficial to the situation. Perhaps you’re unable to perform the specific task requested, but there is another aspect of the project you would be able to help out with. Again, this leaves your options open without making you seem callous or unconcerned with whomever is making a request of you.

Practice saying no both at home and at work, whenever you’re asked to take on more than you know you can handle. Overextending yourself can be a hard habit to break, but it is an essential step in getting out of your own way so you can accomplish your life’s goals. You deserve time for yourself, and you must be responsible for ensuring your personal needs are met.
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Just Say No: How Not to Take On Too Much

“The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.”
- Theodore Roosevelt

People are always going to ask you to do things for them. That’s life. Often we are asked to make commitments we don’t feel comfortable with, don’t have time for, or just plain don’t want to make- but saying “no” makes us feel even worse than agreeing to something we don’t like.

Women especially fall victim to the over-commitment syndrome. You should make it a habit to say “no” more often, particularly when you know that agreeing to take on a certain commitment is going to wreak havoc with your life, even though the little voice in your head is telling you accepting would be the “nice” thing to do. When it comes to your sanity, the nicest thing is to make sure you don’t over-extend yourself and end up performing a large number of tasks with substandard results.

The first step in learning to say no is deciding which things you should agree to commit to, and which things are all right to pass on. This decision should stem from your personal priorities; the things that are important to you and your life. This is one reason why it’s important to define your goals clearly when you begin using the power of positive thinking. Weigh each request against your goals and decide whether agreeing to them would move you closer or further away from your objectives.

When you come to a point where you must refuse a request, there are several ways to say no without hurting feelings or making yourself appear inconsiderate. Be as honest as possible when saying no, and you will be able to proceed with a guilt-free conscience.

Need an excuse? Here are the top five ways to say no nicely:

1. “No.” Sometimes, the best way to refuse is politely, but directly. If someone in your life is constantly asking you to do things they could easily handle themselves, a firm “no” is the only way to get them to stop. Another approach to problematic people with frequent requests is to tell them, “I know you’ll do a great job handling it on your own.”

2. “I’m in the middle of several other projects/commitments right now.” Don’t be afraid to tell people when you’re busy. Most will respect your schedule and find another way to fulfill their requests for help. You shouldn’t be expected to drop tasks you’ve already committed to in order to complete new ones.

3. “I need to focus on [my career, my family, my personal life] at the moment.” If you’re going through a difficult time in another area of your life that requires your attention, don’t hesitate to refuse taking on extra requests. You don’t necessarily have to explain your specific reasoning for taking a pass; just indicate that you

4. “I don’t feel I’m the best person to handle that task.” When you don’t feel qualified to handle something requested of you, say so. Explain that you don’t want to do a poor job, because you know this task is important to the person asking you to do it. Chances are, they want the task done well, too.

5. “I can’t do it, but I know someone else who can.” Only use this “no” form if you truly know someone who can not only handle the task, but has the time to do it. It’s nice to be able to offer alternative help, but only if you can follow through on your offer. Referring people to someone else who won’t be able to help either will be viewed as a brush-off; the person who originally came to you will think you never actually wanted to help them in the first place.

I’ll provide you another top 5 ways to say “No”, soon. Watch out this space!

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How To Crush Procrastination In Its Tracks!

How do you crush procrastination in its tracks? The remedies for moving past procrastination include:

· Just do it. Whatever the task you’re facing, simply pick a point and get started. Often things are not as bad as they seem, and once you start doing something it’s easier to build up momentum that will carry you through to the end. Tell yourself that when you finish the unpleasant task, you won’t have it hanging over your head and you can move on to better things.

· Break it up, people. Take a few minutes to break up larger tasks into small, manageable goals. For example, if you are attempting to organize your desk at work, you might pick one drawer and get that done, and then take a break and do something else before returning for the next drawer. Meeting a series of small goals is more motivating and encouraging than trying to tackle a huge project all at once.

· Cut through the fluff. Prepare yourself to work through distractions when you’re taking on a task. If possible, ignore the phone- and definitely resist the temptation to play Solitaire or check your e-mail a dozen times. Make sure your mind is made up to do whatever it is you’re doing and nothing else until it’s finished. You will feel better knowing it’s done, and you’ll waste less time on sideline projects.

· Stick to the program. Ensure you have enough time to finish the task you’re starting. If you know you’re going to be interrupted or run out of time before you’re through, choose one part of the task to complete instead of trying to rush through the whole thing. Rushing to meet a deadline you know you can’t make causes more stress, and can actually make things happen slower because you’re worried that you won’t be able to accomplish what you’ve set out to do. Give yourself a break, and your stress level will thank you.

· Expect the unexpected. Despite our best positive thinking efforts, things do occasionally take a turn for the unexpected. Delays are a given in many situations. When you’re planning a task or goal, it is important to factor in time in case things go wrong. Delays are a major facilitator of procrastination: it’s easy to convince yourself to put things off when you already have to wait. Make sure you have a backup plan in place so you can avoid putting things off and still meet your completion goals comfortably.

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