Help! My boss is an idiot!?

This one is probably the single toughest one to overcome.

If your boss is a bad one, things probably will not improve. Unfortunately, someone has got to be in charge in any organization, and when your boss is incompetent or just unreasonable or biased, you are going to be in for a long, tough slog each day.

If you boss is merely incompetent, the best thing you can do is to provide as much help to him as you can.

Not only will you make yourself invaluable to him, you will also gradually learn his job—thus positioning yourself to move up in this, or a different organization.

The greater your skill set, the greater your flexibility when it comes to finding a more challenging and fulfilling employment opportunity!

If, on the other hand, your boss is unreasonable or biased, you have several strategies available—none of them good ones.

You can buckle down and take the abuse; do the job as best you can and hope that he notices your value; you can start looking for another job; you can go over his head and hope that his boss might help; or you can seek legal action.

Keep in mind that your boss’s boss may well not care if he is abusive towards you. The higher ups in a company tend to be bottom line oriented, and if your boss’s numbers are good, your unhappiness may just be the price of doing business to them.

If you are going to fight, keep in mind that there is a very good chance that you are going to lose. Understand the risks before you make the attempt!

Have you reached a point where keeping your sanity mandates that you take the risk?

Your mantra (if you choose to fight) is DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT.

Write everything down. Keep a journal of what’s going on, every time you have contact with your boss, note it.

Keeping a record will also enable you to cover your backside if things do get out of hand. Protect yourself.

There are many reasons that you might hate your job, but no matter what they are, you’re not the first person to have gone through this. You’re not alone. Keep an open mind about possible solutions for your problem.

Think it through, communicate with your co-workers and employer, and be ready to change your attitude. You’ve probably heard it said before, but it’s true.

No one can make you feel inadequate without your permission

This is true for a lot of things—no one can make you feel unhappy without your permission, no one can make you feel angry without your permission, and so on.

Your attitude may very well be the ONLY thing you CAN change about your job and that’s really ok. It’s up to you as to how you react to things.

Learn to look for the positive in each situation in instead of the negative. You’ll find that it truly will make a big difference.

And if all else fails, is your present job really worth the loss of your sanity and your health?

Stress is probably the leading preventable cause of poor health in the world today. If you’ve tried everything to improve your job, and nothing has helped, do NOT be afraid to seek out a new position elsewhere.

Remember, a job is merely a means to pay for your life. Your life is not something that you should be giving to your job!

So until (and if) you make that big change, do your best to adjust your attitude. You might even discover that your job isn’t as bad as you once thought.

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Bored to death? How to add more wonder to your own life!

When I was a child during the first time I flew on a flight with my parents, I remember the wonder of looking out at the clouds and the topography far below. I remember watching our land. The entire thing was a great adventure and I was full of wonder.

In college, as I flew once in awhile, I always got a window seat - I wanted to be able to watch the ground pass below me. The wonderment of it all - the patterns and beauty of looking out the window was overwhelming.

Yes, I would sometimes read or do something else, but much of the flight I would sit… and stare… and be in wonder of it all.

Soon after I started working, I found myself flying a bit more, and it became clear that during my business life that I would fly. I mentioned once to my Mom, who loves to fly, that I’d never lose that great feeling that an airplane flight brings - and that I would always get window seats.

Somewhere along the way from flying once every couple months to flying 100,000 miles per year I moved to the aisle. I lost the wonder of it all.

Last week, I had a window seat and stopped working or reading long enough to spend some time looking out the window. Today, as I write this, I have just finished 20 minutes of window gazing.

Some of the wonder is back!

There are many things in our lives that we once considered wonderful.

Many of those things we now take for granted. All of this makes me wonder, where the wonder has gone.

I believe seeing the wonder in things around us is one of the ways we make our lives more meaningful and enjoyable.

This is one of the reasons we go on vacations. Yes, some people’s vacations consist of little more than a beach (which can be wonderful in many ways!).

But many more people take time to learn new things on vacations, by going to museums and art galleries. Many of us travel to exotic places to marvel at sites, and cultures and foods. Wonder plays a big part in the allure of these trips and the satisfaction gained from the experiences.

You may be thinking, is wonder really such a big deal? I would say a resounding yes! Why?

Think about it, the absence of wonder, is often called boredom, or worse, cynicism. These are not things that people aspire to!

While we can all certainly experience wonder in new things - new locations, new experiences, new books, new ideas, I believe I found an important key to a more enjoyable life outside the plane window.

That key is to add more wonder to life by re-capturing past wonder, and finding new wonder in the things I do each day.

There are several things we can do to add to the wonder in our lives - to make our lives more wonder-full.

1. Look at things with fresh eyes.

Think about things that have become habit for you. The next time you do them, do them as if you were a beginner again. Start with your drive or commute to work. Make it an exercise in finding wonder.

For example, perhaps you go by a school on your way. Spend some time thinking about things from your kidhood days in school. Then try this “fresh-eyed” approach to other routine tasks.

2. Make a list of things you found wonderful at different stages in your life.

If you write a journal do it there. If not, make these lists instead of watching TV one evening. Once you have the list, spend some time reveling in those wonders. Think too about how you could re-experience those things again.

3. Make a list of wonders you find each day or week.

Again, a great journaling task, or a great routine to add to your planning for a new week.

4. Plan a mini-vacation or a day trip to someplace wonderful for you.

If you grew up on a farm, a drive in the country in spring or fall is particularly helpful in restoring your sense of wonder in the growing process.

Others might find your mini day to be boring - help them see your wonder - and in turn you will experience your own at a deeper level. Then go with them when they try to recapture their own.

5. Go to an old event, focused on different things.

The next time you go to a ball game, focus less on the action, and more on the spectators, or vice versa. Go shopping and shop for something entirely different than you usually would. You get the idea.

These are just a few ideas to help you re-infuse your life with wonder. This idea is really taking hold in my life, in small ways each day is more wonder-full and more meaningful as well.

I believe when you choose to rediscover your wonder, you’ll benefit in the same ways.

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How do I walk my talk, change my attitude, adjust my goals, and reinvent my life even when I don’t feel like it

Walking in my neighborhood one day, I am struck by the beauty of the day – forsythia, tulips and daffodils, bright sun, warm breeze – and the freedom and privilege I have to walk in a healthy body, through a friendly neighborhood, of my own volition.

I think about how much I take for granted, and how easy it is to feel centered and content when life is easy, flowing, and conflict free.

The day before was not so. It was rainy, windy, and cold. I hadn't slept and woke up short-tempered and irritable. (Will winter never end?!)

A project I'd been putting off could not be postponed any longer, and I knew I had to finish it even though I had no inspiration for it. My body ached from hard martial arts practice the night before, and I felt tired and lacked energy.

I opened a window and spilled a potted plant all over my office floor. And the last piece of my favorite toasting bread had mysteriously disappeared from its storage place. Tomorrow – who knows?

As my friend Jade says, life can fall on your head at any moment.

"Organisms do not experience environments, they create them."
~ From A Simpler Way, by Margaret Wheatley

So how do I walk my talk, change my attitude, adjust my goals, and reinvent my life even when I don’t feel like it?

I kept thinking: "You can do this, this is great, exactly what you look for, ideal opportunities to practice . . . center, breathe, laugh. Sure, it's easy to be centered when things are going your way. This is the perfect day to practice – when they aren't."

I'm embarrassed to say that it was still hard. The only good news that I was able to give myself was that I noticed.

I could see I was having a "pity party," which was a step in the right direction. Friend and colleague, Jason Ho, calls this ability to step outside our selves and acknowledge our reactions meta-communication.

My meta-communicator is the role that says, Hey, hey, you're really having a strong reaction to that plant falling over. Whoah! Are you sure you want to throw it through the window? Right, probably not.

The meta-communicator is the insulation between my reaction and my response. It keeps me from getting dragged down an emotionally reactive path that I will probably regret. The ability to meta-communicate is a sign of emotional intelligence, analogous to self-awareness, and essential to self-control.

Without the ability to meta-communicate, I get lost in the emotion and identify with it. There is no distance, no separation between me and my mental state; the attitude, emotion, or mood overrides conscious thought and takes me wherever it wants.

I can only talk about the emotion again (like this) when it's played itself out and I regain the ability to see it.

Centering awakens the meta-communicator. Taking a moment of literal and figurative inspiration – breathing and connecting to my power source – gives me the time and the space to decide if I want to get dragged off or not.

Pity parties are fun sometimes. I can enjoy getting together telephonically or in person with special friends. We dress up in our best long-suffering attitudes and moan about this event or that person, how much work there is to do and how little time.

We bring our meta-communicators along, and we laugh at ourselves in the midst of our complaining. It's a lot more fun to whine with awareness.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama said, "If you don't like what's happening in your life, change your mind."

How do you like what's happening in your life at the moment? I realize it may be a lot more challenging than winter weather. Still, gently experiment with changing your relationship to life events, and see what happens.

When I am willing and able to do this, to change my mind, everything changes.

It begins by noticing my reactive state.

I'm upset.

Okay - Upset Energy. How can I use it in a way that's congruent with my values and vision?

I take charge of it, before it takes charge of me.

I begin to travel a path of power and presence, instead of a path of reactivity and regret.

As I place that bit of padding between my reaction and my response, I reclaim my power. I reconnect with what is really important.

Why am I here?

What do I want to contribute to this workplace, this family unit, this relationship?

What are my hopes for this conversation? How will I impact this meeting?

More sunny days and uplifting moments are on the horizon. But whatever the external or internal weather conditions, I am protected by an inner spring of insight that is always awake, aware, and available to be turned on at any moment.

And I remember all that I have to be grateful for, including the privilege of having unsettling emotions.

How are you inventing your life today, this moment? Is life a struggle, or does it flow?

It's possible that the answers are really up to you.

Do you feel being abandoned? Know how to heal your wounds!

How to deal with abandonment issues and heal your abandonment wounds!


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How to deal with Loneliness
Feeling lonely? Find out what you can do on your lonely weekends! (tons of weird, crazy, fun ideas!!!)

How to stop procrastinating and get things done!

Here are 7 easy steps to help you stop procrastinating.

Not every tip will work for every person, so take what you can from this list and see what works for you.
1) Take an Inventory.

Do you hear a little nagging voice in your head telling you that you need to do something? Can you see a visual in your head about the task you are avoiding and are you feeling the physical and emotional consequences of what will happen if you do not complete this task?

Look at the clues that tell you just when and how you are procrastinating and you will be able to see that you are indeed putting something off.

Sometimes it is difficult to tell when you are procrastinating because you are attempting to avoid thinking about it but if you piece together the clues you will be able to pinpoint your behavior in order to get a handle on it.
2) Learn How You Procrastinate.

Do you think if you ignore the job at hand it will eventually go away and not bother you? I tried that once with a speeding ticket and nearly lost my license due to procrastination. Trust me when I say that ignoring the problem would not cause it to disappear in a puff of smoke.

Do you over-estimate or under-estimate the degree of difficulty in completing the task? Do you scoff at the impact not finishing the task will have on your future? Perhaps you substitute something important for something REALLY important, like putting the dishes away instead of working on that term paper that is due in two hours.

Maybe you take a short break, but let that short break turn into an all night event, and therefore put off getting to that task you need to finish.

You might focus on one part of the job to the exclusion of the remaining task and thereby never finish the entire thing.

Once you recognize how you procrastinate, you will better be able to put a stop to it. Often we do not even realize that we are procrastinating until it is too late and we’ve missed a deadline.

3) Make Yourself a Productive Environment.

For example, if you work from home, create a home office where there is no TV to distract you from your work. Sure, that baseball game is playing but you do not have time to watch it because you have a deadline with a client. If the TV is there, you will be tempted to turn it on and then full-blown procrastination occurs. If you are addicted to the Internet, but need to use your laptop or computer to do your work, then try to go somewhere where you would not be able to receive a signal and get online.

Removing temptation to do something other than what you NEED to do will help you put a stop to procrastination.

4) Throw Out Those Procrastination Myths.

Have you ever told yourself: I work best under pressure? That is the myth that nearly kept me from graduating from college. Once you believe that you can only work under pressure, you are giving yourself permission to procrastinate.

This can snowball and create serious problems for you if you have several deadlines looming. Or have you always told yourself : I cannot do this unless I have five uninterrupted hours?

This is simply another stalling technique that master procrastinators use for telling themselves it is ok to not start the project because they would not have time to finish it. If you do not start the task you will never finish it. It is okay to start something and then stop so you can finish it later.

Sometimes the simple act of beginning a task will break the cycle of procrastination and allow you to finish your job.

5) I cannot do this unless it is perfect.

The problem that most procrastinators have is that we are too hard on ourselves, demanding perfection where perfection is impossible. If you think you cannot start your term paper until you have THE perfect opening sentence, then you have once again given yourself permission to put it off.

6) Break Down the Job.

You have a job to do and it looks enormous. You could never, ever complete a job that big, so why even start? If that is your mindset, then you probably would not finish the job.

In order to combat this kind of thinking, break the job or task down into small, manageable chunks. Your kitchen is a disaster, it is too much for you to handle. Start on one end and clean off one counter. Voila! You have started.

Take baby steps and soon you WILL see that the entire task has been completed.

7) Change Your Attitude.

Often times we do not begin something we have to do because we tell ourselves how difficult it is going to be, or how disgusting the job is and how much we are going to hate doing it.

By giving ourselves reverse-pep talks we give ourselves permission to avoid beginning the task at hand. When you hear yourself doing this, change your attitude.

Be like the Little Engine that Could and tell yourself that you CAN do this, it is not that difficult or disgusting. If you tell yourself that you do not know how to do a particular task, change that around to tell yourself that you can learn as you go.

It is all a matter of mind over matter. If you think you can, you can.

It is true that you may not be able to do everything on your own. You are not Superman, though you do think you would look pretty cool in those red tights. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help when you know that you cannot do it on your own. If you do not understand a project at work, rather than putting it on the back burner and procrastinating, ask someone to clarify it for you.

Once you understand it better, the fear of tackling it will be gone and you can proceed. If you have a big job to do, then ask a friend or a coworker to help you be accountable for working on it. Let them check up on you every so often to see that you are making progress and soon you’ll find that the job is completed. The Buddy System is NOT just for deep sea divers anymore!

Also, remember, if you put away the project specs where you cannot see them, it is much easier to not think about what needs to be done. Leave your work where you can see it, as a visual reminder of what you have to do. If it is hidden, it is forgotten!

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"Want to know what your future has in store for you? Want to your own Destiny? Get your FREE insightful Destiny Reports!"
How to save a Relationship! (PROVEN methods, works for all men and women!)
"What Men Want!" - What men want you to know, secrets he will never, ever tell you in your face!
"What Women Want" - Get insider peek into her mind and heart!
"How to make anyone fall in love with you!" - Attract your Mr/Mrs Right TODAY!
"Give a gift of inspiration to all your friends, family members and lover!" - No more headaches to finding the perfect gifts for your loved ones, give them something that will MOVE them to tears!
"Find out your Biorhythms online!"
"Have a pressing question or doubt? Want some wise advice fast? Ask the I Ching for advice!"
"What's the best decision to make? Get your FREE Rune Readings!"
"Get your FREE Taort Readings! Know what your future has in store for you!"
"Which lover is the best one for you? Check your love compatibility!"
"Give a gift of inspiration to all your friends, family members and lover!"
How to deal with Loneliness
Feeling lonely? Find out what you can do on your lonely weekends! (tons of weird, crazy, fun ideas!!!)