Creating a Balance – A Simple Daily Exercise to Build Your Self Confidence

Believing in yourself and your abilities is absolutely the most important thing you can do on your journey to positive thinking. It is critical to develop the self-confidence you need to carry you through to the realization of your goals.

Self-confidence is a bit different from self-esteem.

Self-esteem refers to your feelings about yourself, your behaviors and your worth as a person. Self-confidence is your belief in your abilities and in the way you present yourself to the world. The actions of others are more likely to erode your self-confidence rather than your self-esteem.

However, the two emotions have quite a bit in common. Both are measures of your inherent or developed belief in yourself- and both can be easily pushed off balance, resulting in either over-confident or defeatist behaviors that distance you from your ultimate objectives.

“Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.”
- Richard Bach

As previously discussed, you need to create a balance between too little self-confidence and too much. You cannot accomplish anything without self-confidence; on the other hand, too much self-confidence can ensure that you don’t try hard enough to reach your goals, and you will fall short of realizing your possibilities.

Once you understand that you truly can do anything you put your mind to, you will have unlocked the key to positive thinking. There is no limit to the power of the human mind. Your possibilities really are endless.

You can help yourself build self-confidence through a simple daily exercise you develop yourself after learning the basic premise. Like most of the practices for working with positive thinking, you may feel ridiculous at first (yes, we are aiming to make you feel ridiculous. Next we break out the flowered hats and funny nose glasses). Here are the basic steps to your daily self-confidence routine, which is best performed in the morning as you prepare to face the day:

· Decimate distractions. You need this time to yourself. You deserve this time to yourself. While you’re performing your self-confidence routine, don’t answer the phone, check your e-mail, watch television, or listen to the radio. Let household members know that this time is your time, and you would prefer not to be disturbed.

· Get physical. Pamper yourself with your daily physical preparations. When you shower, use your favorite soap or scented body wash. Choose clothing that makes you feel good and matches your mood. Make yourself comfortable with the way you look, and your self-confidence will rise to match it.

· Focus forward. As you get ready, reflect on what you want to accomplish for the day. Be sure to consider the mood you want to set for yourself as well as any goals or objectives you will reach. You might even partake in a quick receptive visualization session to see yourself reaching your goals and cement them in your mind.

· Get pumped. Now comes the ridiculous part. Stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and sing your own praises. Out loud. Tell yourself that you are the person you want to be; that you possess worthwhile qualities; that you can do that which you are now setting out to do. Be as specific as possible. Instead of saying, “I am competent,” say: “I know how to handle problems when they arise.” The more specific you are, the more effective your self-confidence routine will prove to be.

Self-confidence is the glue that holds your personality together. If you are serious about changing your life, developing a healthy self-confidence will equip you to do it quickly and effortlessly.

Don’t let fear, worry and doubt keep you from blossoming into confidence. You can accomplish anything, as long as you believe you can. It really is as simple as that.

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Learning Altered Memory Visualization

The final visualization technique we will discuss is altered memory visualization. This form is especially useful in resolving past conflicts and calming anger. In altered memory visualization, you can either “be” the image or watch yourself, whichever you are most comfortable with.

The main objective of altered memory visualization is to envision an actual memory and alter the outcome in your mind to reach a better, more satisfying resolution.

You can use altered memory visualization for small issues such as being cut off in traffic, or larger areas like past tragedy or trauma. Again, it is important to use a timer for this method, particularly when working with major traumas. It is too easy to become so immersed in your memories that you cannot shake them.

Whether you choose to watch or participate, begin remembering the event you want to change the way it actually occurred. Try to recall all the sights, sounds and smells just as they were.

When you reach an unpleasant point in your memory, direct yourself to react differently from the way you did- or direct the other person to do something different. With practice, you will be able to quickly shift your mental images to a more positive chain of events, and the feelings you formerly associated with your memories will lessen in their effect on you. Using altered memory visualization is a powerful tool for forgiveness, whether you direct it toward yourself or someone else.

By employing visualization techniques and practicing frequently, you will heighten and augment your positive thinking foundation. Envisioning your desires is the first step to achieving them. You can accomplish anything you believe you can, and visualization will help you realize your goals faster and with less effort.

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The Difference Between Receptive Visualization and Guided Visualization

Another form of visualization is receptive visualization. This differs from guided visualization in that you are watching yourself rather than doing something. Receptive visualization is a good technique for working on your interactions with other people.

For example, if you want to ask someone out on a date, you may visualize yourself doing so flawlessly and convincingly, and then visualize your target agreeing.

Performing receptive visualization is almost like watching a movie in your mind, with you as the director. The beauty of receptive visualization is that when things start to go in a different direction from the way you want them, a simple thought can change everything. You are in complete control, and the more completely and often you visualize a situation, the more likely it will be to happen just the way you pictured it.

After you’ve practiced receptive visualization, you can use it just about anywhere, in any situation.

For example, imagine you go to the bank to make a withdrawal, but when you reach the teller you discover there is a problem with your account and you have to speak with a bank manager. While you’re waiting, you can visualize your conversation with the manager and mentally resolve the matter in your favor.

Then, when you actually do speak to the manager, you will be ready to face the situation calmly and with confidence. More often than not, things will proceed quite similarly to your vision.

Receptive visualization is the most useful method of visualization for everyday events. Because it is versatile and adaptable, you can use receptive visualization to resolve nearly any problem.

You will be able to move through each day with a sense of confidence that everything will turn out just as you want it to, and because of your projected confidence, other people will respond to you in a pleasant manner. Practicing your receptive visualization skills can ease the stresses of daily life, which in turn improves your entire situation.

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A Simple Yet Powerful Guided Visualization!

Guided visualization is perhaps the most powerful form available. In this method, you act as the captain of your visionary ship, guiding yourself through the images you conceive as though they were actually happening. When using guided visualization, it is especially important to set your timer, as it is easy to become caught up in your visualized reality.

To perform guided visualization, you need to do a bit of preparation beforehand. Choose a setting or scene in which you feel comfortable and affix the setting firmly in your mind: a sandy beach, a deep forest, or even an open-air mall (if you feel better away from nature and would have a tendency to visualize lots of bugs).

Guided visualization is best for working on your own emotions and behaviors. Decide before you begin the way you want to visualize yourself, whether it is being more confident, losing weight, or simply feeling relaxed and at ease.

Tell yourself that the place you’re going will give you the power to achieve these feelings, emotions or characteristics.

When you begin your visualization after your preparation phase, don’t imagine watching yourself perform the desired actions. Instead, try to feel as though you are actually doing them: as if you have suddenly lost fifty pounds, or gained a hefty dose of confidence. You might even want to make yourself fly! (Just be sure you don’t try to translate your newfound powers of flight into real life experience, unless it’s boarding a plane).

You can also perform guided visualization with the assistance of an audio program or themed music. You might want to try guided meditation tapes the first few times, and then gradually move away from them until you can perform this method on your own.

After all, it is your mind that you are trying to reprogram, and you should fill it with your own thoughts, feelings and emotions in order to reach your personal objectives.

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The Easy Way to Effective Visualization!

There are several varieties of visualization methods, but the first step in any one of them is always the same. You must prepare yourself mentally to receive your vision in order to be able to fully immerse your consciousness. The process of preparing for visualization is nearly the same as meditation, and you can add in your own elements as you gain more experience with the process.

· Find a quiet, undisturbed place. At first you will need to be alone while you visualize. Choose a room or a space that you will use on an exclusive basis for visualization during the beginning stages. Be sure your surroundings are quiet and uninterrupted. White noise is acceptable for visualization, but for most methods you should not use music or recorded sound (you will be visualizing your own sounds!).

· Get comfortable. The best way to perform visualization is from a seated position. You can use a comfortable chair or the floor or ground, as long as you seat yourself in a way that will allow you to remain comfortable for at least ten to fifteen minutes.

· Set a timer. The effects of visualization vary from person to person, but in some cases it can produce a trance-like state. To ensure you don’t end up visualizing the day away, get a silent electronic timer (no ticking!) or set an alarm clock to go off in fifteen to twenty minutes (at this point, you still have a few minutes of preparation before you begin the process of visualization).

· Relax your body. If you happen to possess the ability to relax at will; great, do that! If you’re like most of us and you do not, you can engage in progressive relaxation to drain the tension from your muscles. Begin at your feet and concentrate on releasing all tension, one body part at a time. It may take you a few tries to do this; don’t worry if it doesn’t happen the first time. It can be difficult to achieve complete relaxation, and in many cases there will be some tension or stiffness remaining. You will find that the more often you practice relaxation, the less tension remains.

· Clear your mind. There are a few ways to accomplish this; you should choose the one that works best for you. One way is to imagine a single, benign object such as a white ball or a leaf, and focus entirely on the imaginary object until all your other thoughts simmer down. Picture your thoughts as a crowd in a football stadium, with the object in the center. Each thought stills as its attention is drawn to the object, until they are all silent. Another method for clearing your mind is to “send” your thoughts away by wrapping them in a mental “bubble” and allowing them to drift away from your consciousness.

· Breathe. Once you have relaxed your body and cleared your mind, you should perform three to five minutes of deep, concentrated breathing. Try to keep yourself focused on nothing but your breathing; this will relax you even further and prepare your mind to experience visualization.

You can also use this introduction to visualization as an alternate form of meditation. Taking a few moments to relax is always beneficial, and can energize you to face the tasks you’ve set for yourself.

Before you actually begin your preparation activities, you should choose the type of visualization you intend to use and make yourself aware of the process involved. Then you will be able to go directly from preparation to visualization. Next time, I’ll provide you a simple yet powerful guided visualization. Stay tuned!

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The Power of Positive Thinking

Now that your new positive mindset is firmly rooted in your mental garden, you will start to see the buds of possibility appearing everywhere in your life. You can learn to coax blossoming success from the endless fertile fields surrounding you. Recognizing opportunity is an essential component to achieving your objectives; whether is it subtle as a clover or brilliant as a sunflower.

In this section, we will review tips and techniques for realizing the full potential of the power of positive thinking

“We must be over the rainbow!”
- Dorothy Gale in The Wizard of Oz

Anyone who has seen the timeless classic film The Wizard of Oz remembers that magical moment when Judy Garland’s Dorothy steps out from the wreckage of her black-and-white house into a breathtakingly colorful world- a world she later discovers had been there all along.

Realizing the power of positive thinking is like capturing that movie magic for yourself. Suddenly, your surroundings appear in a whole new light: alive with the possibilities of your life and ripe for picking.

One powerful method for accessing positive thinking is visualization. This means picturing yourself actually achieving your goals and being the person you want to be.

“Opportunity rarely knocks on your door. Knock rather on opportunity’s door if you ardently wish to enter.”
- Charles Forbes

Like many of the processes we have described so far, using visualization can feel awkward at first. The best way to start off using visualization is solo practice, but eventually you will be able to initiate the process of visualization in just about any circumstance, under any conditions.

The most important thing you should learn about visualization is this: it only works if you really, really want it to work. Whatever you are visualizing, whether it’s a material goal or a new mental attitude, you must be absolutely convinced of your vision.

This method runs on mental energy, so the stronger your thoughts are, the more likely they will be to influence your life.

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Dream Come True: Do You Know Why You Make Mistakes?

The ability to admit that you’ve made a mistake is crucial to the learning process. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to announce your mistake to the world. However, you do have to be honest with yourself. Owning up to your mistakes is important, not only in your attempts to learn from them, but in the entire process of using positive thinking.

When you admit your mistakes to yourself, be careful not to judge your actions harshly. Your thoughts should not be along the lines of I screwed this up, and I’m never going to get this right.

Don’t let your mistakes teach you not to try. Instead, think I made a mistake, and now I know not to do that again. The biggest lesson in making mistakes can be found in your taking responsibility for them, and then doing something to correct what went wrong.

Pinpoint Your Error

“For want of a nail, the horseshoe was lost...”
- Nursery rhyme (anonymous)

Speaking of what went wrong...do you know why you made the mistake? You cannot learn anything from your mistakes if you don’t know why it occurred. If things go wrong, and it isn’t clear to you what happened, backtrack along the path that brought you to the error and figure out where you strayed.

James R. Chiles, in his book Inviting Disaster: Tales from the Edge of Technology, relates the sordid tale of a floating dormitory in the North Sea built for offshore oil workers. During one night, the dormitory rolled over in the water and killed over a hundred people.

The engineers responsible for building the dormitory raced to find an explanation, and ultimately discovered that one small crack in the support structure, which had been painted over instead of properly repaired, was responsible for the chain of events leading to the disaster.
Discovering the origin of your own mistakes will help you avoid potential disaster. Take the responsibility to investigate your mistakes thoroughly, so you can avoid the snowball effect one small error can have.

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Dream Come True: How to Learn From Your Mistakes

“Remember: you only have to succeed the last time.”
- Brian Tracy

Everyone makes mistakes. The good news is: failure can actually be good for you! The best way- and sometimes the only way- to learn how to make changes in your life and reach your goals is by figuring out how not to do things. There is a process you can use to learn from your mistakes. The more you learn, the closer you will be to reaching your goals in life.

Give Yourself Permission

You know you’re going to make mistakes, especially if you’re trying to do something you’ve never done before. In order to be prepared for the inevitability of mishaps and misadventures, tell yourself that when you make a mistake, it’s still okay- and you’re not going to let mistakes stop you.

This is part of the process of instilling a positive mindset. When you know what to expect, it’s harder for surprises to set you back in your journey to reach your goals.

Keep in mind that it is all right to make mistakes, and doing so is not the end of the world. The only people who don’t make mistakes are people who don’t try to do anything in the first place. Don’t be the person who regrets never even trying to accomplish your goals because you were afraid of mistakes.

Make Interesting Mistakes

Once again: you’re going to make mistakes. When this happens, you will learn more by making interesting mistakes rather than stupid ones.

You may be wondering what, exactly, is an interesting mistake? The more complex and challenging your ultimate goal is, the more spectacular your failures will be. The person who experiences a spectacular failure is far more likely to realize spectacular success. Here’s a quick example:

STUPID MISTAKE: Stubbing your toe on the rake you left lying in the yard.

INTERESTING MISTAKE: Turning $30 worth of powdered sugar and chocolate chips into inedible bricks while trying to start your candy-making company because you misread the candy thermometer.

The first mistake will teach you to put your tools away when you’re done using them, but this is something you probably should have already known. The second mistake, however, is far more valuable to you. It teaches you how not to read a candy thermometer, and you will never make the same mistake again. Now you’re one step closer to realizing your dream to start a candy making company. What will your next mistake be? The next time, I’ll tell you why the ability to admit that you have made a mistake is crucial to your learning process…

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Dream Come True: De-coding The Blame Game - Whose Fault Is It, Anyway?

“The reason people blame things on the previous generation is that there’s only one other choice.”
- Doug Larson

We are a society driven by blame. We blame the government for running our lives, and our parents for ruining it. We blame the fast food industry for making us fat, the tobacco industry for giving us cancer, and the justice system for allowing criminals to roam among us while innocent people sit in jail. We blame our children for giving us gray hair, and our schools for equipping our children with the behaviors that make us old before our time. There is no wrong action, great or small, for which we cannot find someone else to blame. The last person we lay blame on is ourselves.

Too often, though, we are the first person we should point to when problems arise.
The government does make the rules- but we are in charge of electing the rule-makers, and most of us don’t vote, while the majority of those who do are insufficiently informed.

Our parents have an enormous impact on our lives- but they can only raise us as well as they were equipped to by their own parents, and once we become adults we are responsible for our own behavior. We choose to eat too much fast food, smoke cigarettes, and try to get out of punishment when we break the law.

Our children reflect our own behavior back at us like living mirrors; and no matter how much of their time they spend in school, their behavior is determined almost exclusively by what we teach them at home.

It is up to each one of us to take responsibility for our lives. Even if the wrongs in our lives were someone else’s fault, we are the one that control our reaction to the situation. When unfortunate events occur in your life, you can choose to be angry and point fingers- or you can choose to do something about it. Be clear on who is to blame for the problems in your life, and take steps to correct the situation.

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Dream Come True: When Blood is Thicker than Embarrassment…

It’s one thing to sever relationships with friends, and quite another to do the same with family. Most of us are raised with the idea that family is important, and we tend to be more forgiving of family members as well as seek their approval for our actions more often.

We are afraid to be ourselves around family members; often because people change, and we fear our close relatives won’t like the changes that come into our lives. So we are forced to continue acting as if we are the same people we were five, ten, or fifteen years ago. This produces an uncomfortable relationship at best, and can lead to estrangement or avoidance if left unchecked.

Try to keep in mind that just as you are forgiving of your family members’ collective flaws and personality quirks, they will be forgiving of yours. When you truly care about someone, you accept them for who they are and don’t judge them on the basis of their thoughts, opinions and habits. Why wouldn’t your family extend the same courtesy to you?

Being yourself and not requiring approval from your family may be even more important than doing so with friends. We tend to derive the basis of our self-security level from our interactions with our family, and if we cannot be comfortable around family, that sense of false security spreads into all areas of our lives.

If you’ve been hiding some aspect of your personality or belief system from your family out of fear they won’t accept you, try easing into your own opinions gradually. You may be surprised to discover that the people who care about you are more accepting than you think. Sometimes, they may have been practicing the same guarded emotional stance as you, and will be just as relieved when it’s finally out in the open.

In any case, you don’t need approval from even your family for the things you want to accomplish.

Though it is more difficult to exclude a family member from your life, if it is more damaging to include them, perhaps you should consider putting some distance between yourself and the destructive family member. Many people are content with agreeing to disagree, and in time both of you may come to an understanding.

Meanwhile, don’t let your need for approval overshadow your need to be you. Please yourself first, because no one else is going to do it for you.

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